For once I have a good reason for completely neglecting Ohlala for months..
I’m 14 weeks PREGNANT
with our first child!
(pause for a little celebratory dance)
We found
out on the 31st December - in the morning luckily, sparing future
baby from being exposed to alarmingly high units of alcohol
that night.. - in the middle of the most wonderful Christmas family holiday in
Canada, 10 days after getting engaged. My boyfriend/fiancé proposed on a candle-lit ice rink in
good Canadian fashion, and once I said yes he gave me my first ice hockey lesson!
I’ve been pretty lucky with morning
sickness and nausea, and certainly didn’t lose my appetite (I blame people who
keep telling me ‘Oh it’s fine, you’re eating for two!’ for all the
perhaps-not-completely-justifiable-weight I’ve put on already). We weren't, however, spared all the crazy stressful
thoughts that no one warns you are going to creep up, scratch that, more like
ERUPT in your mind suddenly with no warning, such as :
‘OH MY GOD, we don’t even
have a savings account!’
or, because we are different nationalities and have
been living and working all other the place
‘Where on earth are we going to
give birth/live/move to/find work/get visas for!?!’
Help.
But in my mother’s infinite words of wisdom -
‘Oh whateeeever, it’s a
baby, you’ll figure it out!’
And of course she’s right.
I’ve searched the
web for resources on vegan pregnancy and parenting and have found a few great
sites and blogs, but not so many. So, I thought,
why not get back to blogging and make Ohlalavegan a space to share the good the
bad and the ugly about being pregnant and vegan (although I promise there will
be no sight of any potential future bloated feet, cellulite and stretch marks..
so not that kind of ugly).
Vegan, pregnant and healthy.. 3 words that go
together just fine.
When we told
people we wanted a baby or that we are now pregnant we got a lot of:
‘Ok, so are you going to stay vegan now that
your pregnant? What about iron/calcium/B12 etc?’
I knew these valid and
well meant concerns would be coming our way, and to be honest even though I
100% believed from the start that being vegan, pregnant and perfectly healthy was possible, I wanted to be properly
informed, to respond to both other people’s concerns and for my own peace of
mind. I’ve read books, blogs, websites, articles etc – some of which are listed
at the end of this blog – and here is the conclusion I have reached based on
all this:
YES! You can be an animal-loving, tree-hugging,
tofu-munching perfectly healthy pregnant woman growing a perfectly healthy
human being. Hurray.
I won't bore you with an overload of information, facts and figures about nutritional needs in pregnancy and how these can be met through a vegan diet. What I will say is that if a balanced plant-based
diet is not only a healthy and sustainable diet that gives our bodies and minds
everything they need in terms of macro and micro nutrients, but also helps prevent
and fight off nasty diseases (check out research by Dr. Neal Barnard, T. Colin
Campbell, Dr John MacDougall), then why-oh-why would it suddenly not be
right for pregnant women?
Of course, all pregnant women, whatever their diet, need to
pay close attention to their nutritional intake, and iron deficiency in particular is something
to watch out. The truth is, you can
get everything you need on a vegan diet when pregnant. Yes, you need to put thought and care into what you eat - same as for non-vegans, but no, you won’t
need to spend the whole day stuffing your face full of seaweed (thank God) and counting
micrograms of everything you eat.
I recommend Holly Roberts’ ‘Your Vegetarian Pregnancy’ for a useful breakdown of how you can meet these
guidelines in pregnancy on a vegan diet.
And most
importantly for me, I find it inspiring to be growing a new life
without taking life away from any other being in the process.
I take a
pregnancy supplement (a safety net if you find yourself running to the bathroom every time someone so
much as utters the word vegetable), folic acid, and continue to take a daily B12 supplement. I make sure to get omega 3 fatty acids by having ground flax seed everyday in porridge or smoothies and walnut oil in salads. Keep in mind that there are different types of Omega 3 fatty acids, and that these foods contain only ALA fatty acids, which can be transformed by our bodies into EPA and DHA (which are otherwise found almost exclusively in fish) but it is unclear whether our bodies can convert ALA to EPA and DHA in sufficient quantities. EPA and DHA are important for fetus brain and eye development and functioning, so it is safer to take a vegan DHA supplement as well, made from micro-algae.
And then there’s the big question ... how to deal with
other people?!
I have to say
I’ve been very fortunate, my family and friends have been nothing but
supportive and loving, and apart from the occasional -
‘And you are taking your B12 and folic acid dear?’
I have not had
to face any disapproval about my diet, I think mainly because it’s been a few
years now since I’ve been vegan and my loved ones know to trust that I take my
health and diet seriously. That and the fact that they are down-to-earth open minded people.
I have however
faced this in the past, when I first became a vegan. It wasn’t easy, but I
tried to remember that if people raised concerns and worried its because they
care about me, and in some rarer cases because people feel defensive and
protective of their own way of living, and may interpret someone just being vegan as a criticism of that.
However difficult this may be, the solutions are pretty simple really, there
are 2 things you can do:
1.
Be informed so that you can
answer their questions and concerns in a patient and understanding way, which
will hopefully reassure them that you have looked into this seriously and know
what you are talking about.
2. If solution number 1 does not
work, ignore them, you’re going to be a parent so this is just the beginning of
unsolicited advice and concern, we might as well start learning how to not let
ourselves be driven crazy by it now!
Support, inspiration & staying sane: family, friendships and stories shared
I have found inspiration, information and support from my family and friends, especially the women around me.
Whether or not they have kids themselves, the
people who love me and know me best are those who can find the right words to remind
me how to stay sane through this amazing but also often exhausting, confusing,
emotionally and physically draining time.
I don’t think I realised until I became
pregnant how much I would count on their support and presence through this
adventure. I am used to being independent, I’ve worked lived and travelled all
over the place, and am usually at least two continents away from them, so I
was not expecting to feel such a terrifically strong urge to nest, to be home
in familiar surroundings, with people I’ve known and loved all of my life. Living
in Myanmar (Burma) and not seeing them has been, and continues to be, tough,
but I’ve realised being far doesn’t mean to say we can’t be present for each
other.
As for those
amazing friends who are already parents, it’s been such an absolute relief to
talk to them, to admit to the hard things I wasn’t expecting about pregnancy
and to hear them laugh kindly and say
‘That
is completely normal!’
followed by the comfort of friends sharing their
stories, turning what seemed like mountain-sized challenges that I was facing
alone into almost friendly-looking hills that so many of us have and will
overcome. There are these stories that remind me I am not alone and this is
just a temporary challenge, and there are the stories that give me perspective,
and remind me how incredibly fortunate I am, like when my Gran wrote to me the
other day in response to a long whiny email from me complaining about nausea,
saying something along the lines of:
‘My dear Kate, so sorry to hear that, must be
awful for you. Find consolation in the fact that in this day and age you do not
have a dragon of a mother in law who is forcing you to wear a corset to hide
your bump like I did!’
That made me
both laugh and reflect, reflect on the fact that my gran is, like so so
many other women around me, resilient as hell, and turns painful experiences
into tales of joviality and strength.
This is exactly what another friend of
mine, who has just given birth herself, was trying to say when the other day she sent
me a picture of the inside of a kaleidoscope, as a message that by changing the
way we look at things, what we see and experience is transformed. In her words:
‘Sending you a kaleidoscope, an imaginative super
practical tool to see things, the same things, from different perspectives, as
you wish, with just moving thoughts, and looking to the light.’
All of these
stories, which are essentially shared between women, have made one thing very
clear to me:
Women are incredibly strong, and solidarity and support between
us is one of the most incredible, dependable and precious things in our lives.
Overall being
pregnant is, I realise now, an opportunity for me to reflect on what is
important to me, whether that’s being vegan - as a way of being kinder to
myself and the world – or on the bonds we have with others and our shared yet
unique experiences as women.
It has also opened my eyes to what is probably the
first and most important lesson I will learn as a future parent: I can’t
control everything, GASP, WAVE HANDS FRANTICALLY IN THE AIR, now calm down. Pregnancy has made that
quite clear as it has brought its lot of surprises and emotions along, many of
them conflicting with my previous expectations and idealisations of what
pregnancy should look and feel like (ie me looking like a glowing levitating
goddess in lotus position drinking a homemade green smoothie, looking exactly
like my pre-pregnancy self but way better, and with what looks like a watermelon
neatly tucked under my shirt).
As another
friend of mine and mum of two said to me:
‘Everything
in pregnancy and parenting is a phase, it always passes, and is always replaced
by something new’
And isn’t that a
beautiful concept.
An opportunity to let go, relinquish control and know that
not only will things always change and evolve, but that if we just trust in
ourselves and life, and decide to look at these moments the right way through
our mental kaleidoscope, then each of these moments and changes can be full of
learning and appreciation.
Note to self: I
may come back and violently scratch this last sentence out many many times over
the next few months, years, decades when I’m faced with actually getting a baby
OUT of me, or with a baby/toddler/teenager who won’t stop screaming its lungs
out, but for now I’ll focus on being my positive self and remain
blissfully oblivious to all that (just like that idealised version of pregnant me
floating in lotus position sipping a green smoothie).
And to be honest I am - perhaps naively - looking forward to every minute of all of it.
For other sources of information and inspiration, there are some great books, blogs and websites out there, here are some of my favorites:
- Ina May Gaskin, ‘Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth’
a beautiful awesome informative book about natural childbirth, written by an amazing woman and midwife
- Holly Roberts, ‘My vegetarian Pregnancy’
A great blog about how to be green, including through pregnancy and parenting.
This is a blog about parenting more than pregnancy or veganism, but I find it’s great to get a sense of what might come after these 9 months!
